How to Think About Criticism

Daniel and Jason unpack experiences with criticism that lead to harmful results.  But is any criticism really 'constructive?'

Three great questions from the podcast

Craig Sybert asks: Is it better to give criticism in a small group setting or one-on-one?  

Jason: It depends.  In a group setting, it works as long as everybody is there for that.  For example, I’ve done songwriting roundtables where somebody plays something, they ask the group what they think, and we all open ourselves up to this topic.  That’s a great way to offer criticism, once again, always with a heart of kindness, always compliment something first.  At the same time, one on one, if you’ve got the relationship, that’s great.  One thing you have to be careful with one-on-one: if you approach someone with criticism in a private environment and that person doesn’t respond well to that criticism, that can be a problem as well.  They can go to someone else and tell them, “they said all these terrible things to me,” when that might not be what really happened. 

Seek out others to help you see if the criticism is valid, and if it is, be humble enough to change. Ego doesn't like being criticized.

Daniel:  If you’re wanting to criticize someone, to bring some help to them, you have to choose the right way to do that.  If your motivation is to not tear them down, but to build them up, then you’ll do whatever it takes to get the message across the best way so that they’ll receive it the best way.  For example, as someone’s just come off stage, that’s not exactly the right time.  The better thing would be to let it go for a while and they say, “hey, I really enjoyed playing on stage, I’d like to do that again.”  At that point they might ask you what you thought of it.  You’ve got to give people their moments where they can enjoy and grow from their experience and feel like they did well, then bring it in at the right time, even if it’s much later on.  It’s like if you have an argument with your wife or girlfriend, it’s better not to try to argue your point right there.  Then when you both feel relaxed, you can say, “remember that thing…” and there’s no emotional crazy going on. When you’re helping someone to change, you’ve got to think of the best possible way to do it without any embarrassment, without crushing them.  As far as receiving it, have the same open heart and it comes down to humility and not being wrapped up in ego.  Ego doesn’t like being criticized.  If you reacted badly when someone criticized you, you might be struggling with ego.  That might be a blind spot that you’ve got.  Check your heart.  There’s also room to say, “man, you really hurt me, the way that you said that, because I look up to you a lot and what you say carries a lot of weight for me.”  Then there are some people who feel like it’s their job to bring you down a peg.  Often that’s wrapped up in their own insecurity.  Maybe they wanted to be a bass player once in their life and they didn’t get to.  So they complain that you play too loud, but it’s all wrapped up in their problem and it’s all about them.  You should be able to receive it and decide, “is this truth?” And weigh it up against what other people are saying.  Not just your best friends but other people who might have a say.  Seek out other people to help you to see if the criticism is valid, and if it is, be humble enough to change. 

Joe Anderson asks: Do you think it's "generally" good to be open to finding out you're wrong?

Jason: Joe put quotes around “generally” there, but perhaps they should be around “finding out you’re wrong.”  There are times when you need to respond in confidence and realize that it isn’t true.  Or this one person’s opinion is not necessarily the way.  So you have to watch out and, if you’re trying to positively criticize someone, have humility in that as well, and recognize that it’s your thought and you could be wrong.  Because there are a lot of different opinions. When someone asks me to critique a song I remind them that it’s my opinion but they are the artist.  At the end of the day, I’m probably right on some things, but other things, I make deliberate choices in everything I do.  In songwriting, maybe I understand that a line isn’t the “song-write-ey” way to do it, but I think this is a powerful way to say this so I’m going to do it this way.  It really does come back to that humility piece. 

Daniel:  Music is art, not science.  That song might not be my favorite thing.  When they ask us for criticism about songs, they realize we play through thousands of worship songs every week and must have a better idea about if this is a good worship song or not.  “Based on what I know of what modern worship sounds like, I think these things are right and these things are wrong.”  So it does carry some weight.  A lot of people don’t really want you to tell them what’s wrong, they just want you to say “you’ve made the best song I’ve ever heard!”  As soon as I tell them I don’t like a verse, they say, “what do you mean?!”  I’ll criticize your songs if that what you really want me to do.  But if you want me to say that your songs are amazing, don’t send them.  I get far less songs in the mail!

Jason: I’ve done songwriting workshops where you put in your CD and then everyone will critique you.  Sometimes, people will share a song using every cliché in the book, it doesn’t make any sense, and the workshop members say, “I really like the way you rhymed dove with above.”  They won’t give any criticism because they don’t even know where to start.  Then on the other hand, Brian Doerksen, he is brutal!  I’ve seen him say, “I don’t think songwriting is your gift.  I think you should try other things so that you’re not missing out on something else that you’re really gifted in.”  One of two things happens in that scenario.  Either (a) they’re heartbroken and believe he’s right and go and do something else.  Or, (b) they pull a Garrett Goodwin and when his drum teacher told him never to come back, it lit a fire under him and he used it as motivation to become great.  So you can listen to Brian Doerksen and think, “this is so uncomfortable!” but who’s got your best interests in mind?  He has an opinion worth listening to because he has the experience to back it up. 

Joey Colson asks: do you think new players should protect themselves from that criticism by not posting things online?

Daniel:  Well if they don’t want to grow, definitely!  If [your early work is] out there online and it’s always going to be there, you might regret it because someone will always have a copy of it.  So maybe not.  But normally, you regroup yourself anyway once you’ve done something.  Just the opportunity to play on the field makes you realize you’re either great or not great.  Fear to not actually step out will keep you small and intimidated and not allow you to grow.  Always be out there trying to play the game.  Get up on stage and play.  If it’s horrible, you know you’ve got a lot of work to do, and if it’s great, you know you can always get better.  A good goal for some people is just to play on Sunday without being scared to death.

Jason:  The more environments you put yourself in, the more you can define what you do.  Look at different [experiences], take little pieces from each one of those, then develop your own thing and be comfortable.  “This is what I do, not this or this.  I might not become famous for it, but in what I am trying to accomplish, I can build my skills around. 

Daniel:  You don’t have to be a pro to play golf and really enjoy it.  It’s the same way with music.  This idea that you have to share a stage with Skillet or whomever, you can’t think you’re a failure if you don’t do it at that level.  Those guys do it for a living.  Some people feel like if you’re a musician but you’re not doing it full time or play every week, then somehow it’s less valuable.  You’re getting robbed of the enjoyment of getting to play at church or wherever you get to play.  I don’t believe that.  Serve in your capacity.  Enjoy what you do.  Bloom where you’re planted.

Jason: Daniel, every time we do this, it seems like the answer to everything that we ever talk about here whether it’s music, worship, whatever, it always comes down to: what is your relationship to God? How do we understand who we are in the presence of God?  How do you relate to God and what are the values that you hold?  If you cultivate the values that Christ wants us to cultivate, all these other things, these practical pieces, play themselves out in they way they are supposed to because you’re coming at it from that right-heart attitude. 

You’ve Got the Heart, We’ll Teach You the Skill.

Try free for 21-days!

Sign Up